the BIG 40... and one little word...

well i did it... January 5th...i turned 40! it almost feels like a right of passage...lol...
it actually feels great to know that i made it to 40 after the year i've had...
so i am grateful...

Ali Edwards says that "one little word can make a big impact on your life"!
and as many of my scrappy friends have done, they have chosen a word that will define them for the year...so i thought about it...
i think about this past year and all of the challenges it has brought me.
coming close to dying from meningitis still bothers me.
throughout my recovery, i used to often think about "what if"...
what if i hadn't made it...
who would look after everything?
who would be Grace's voice?
who would teach Riley to be a man?
who would clean the toilet... because we all know no one in my house knows how to do that...
who would look after Rob when he falls apart?
who would pay the bills on time?

seriously...after i checked and increased my life insurance policy (and Rob's of course...lol), these are the things that i would think about all the time.
it consumed me..
it damaged me...

I PROBABLY DESERVED IT!
that's what i thought...i have done a number on my body with being overweight and diabetes, high blood pressure, crohn's, and shift work and all that comes with it...
i probably deserved it....wake up call, right?

recovery took a lot longer than i would have liked...

let's face it...2010 was not my best year....
but i have decided that like anything....it's time to get over it and get on with the good stuff...

Creatively....
in 2010, I travelled all over and met some amazing people...we all remember my trip to New Brunswick with melinda.. and i got to meet all my friends from LCOM...and I met Tim Holtz...and spent more time with Donna Downey in toronto and then with Vicki Boutin at Scrapfest and Kingston....
I was featured in Canadian Scrapbooker and schmoozed with Becky Fleck and even guest DT'd with Making Memories...
i also started writing a book...
i like this quote
"Above all else, it is about leaving a mark that I existed: I was here. I was hungry. I was defeated. I was happy. I was sad. I was in love. I was afraid. I was hopeful. I had an idea and I had a good purpose and that's why I made works of art."
Felix Gonzalez-Torres

Spiritually...
i finally listened and started going to church...i found God and instead of blaming him...i thanked him for the blessings i did have in my life...i joined a church home group (and seriously, i thought they were going to pee their pants when i asked them why i wasn't Jewish ...seeing as Jesus was...turns out it's a geography thing...LOL...)...clearly i am still learning...

Physically...
althought i started the year off feeling defeated, i worked hard and made it back to work months before anyone thought i would...i still face a few challenges but i think i am in a much better mind set to deal with them..

2010 also brought me close to my very special friends, and brought a friend back into my life that i had been missing for a long time...but i sucked it up, asked for forgiveness and really it's amazing what can happen if you just ask...life just feels better now.

so having said all that...and still knowing that this year is going to be hard...
i chose "RE" as my word...
just two letters!!...that you can put in front of a lot of words...for example...
Relook. Reduce. Repurpose. Recall. Reuse. Recycle. Restyle. Retell. Rearrange. Remember. Refocus. Regain. Reread. Review. Resale. Restructure. Rethink. Record. Relearn. Refresh. Recharge. Rejuvenate. Revive. Rejoice.Rekindle.
all these words mean something to me...i chose each of them as chapter titles for my book...

so here's to having a happy new year...
being 40...
and to understanding that even though things may not go exactly as planned this year...everything will be ok...and i'm good with that!